Sleep Talkin’ Man

From the site: Sleep Talkin’ Man.

My mild mannered English husband Adam lives quite a colourful existence in his dreams. Having benefited from hours of delight at his dead-of-night musings, I thought it only fair to share them with the world:

Mar 22 2010

“Sure you can have my phone number. It’s like having a direct line to God. But better. Because I answer.”

Mar 21 2010

“I could have sworn you put the bed here. Why am I laying in all this shit? You moved the bed! You moved the bed. Don’t ever move the bed again.”

Mar 19 2010

“You are the perfect candidate for post-natal abortion. Got it?”

Mar 17 2010

“I need a book. A big book. And the loo. Happiness.”

“I’m sorry, but, you can take your can-do attitude and fuck it ’til it’s raw. Can you do that? Can you?”

“Need room. Spread my wings.”

Mar 16 2010

“Correctomundo! Take the frame and shit on it, stick it on the wall and stare at it with pride. Cause that’s the best thing you’re ever going to do.”

Mar 14 2010

“Don’t worry. I’ll find it. That’s what I do, find things. I find you annoying. See?”

Mar 13 2010

“The grass on the other side of the fence: Burn it! It’s not nice.”

Mar 12 2010

“Me, fat? Think again, titty-fuck. I taught my muscles to be in a zen-like state of relaxation. Permanently.”

Mar 11 2010

“I made snot pictures. I sneeze in my gallery, all day. Lots of different colours. Making bogey money.”

“Step outside, needle-dick bug fucker. There’s a whole world out there, and they just want to hate you, too.”

Mar 10 2010

“Kiss me. Tastes good, doesn’t it. Why don’t you go back and have a second helping? Be greedy.”

“Windy in my hair. Don’t bend over, you’ll whistle.”

Mar 8 2010

“Don’t come in to work tomorrow. In fact, don’t come back at all. Basically, I don’t want you around, cause you’re– I’ll keep this simple– a cock. A small, pathetic, flaccid, looking-at-your-shoes-constantly kind of a cock. Okay, bye-bye!”

Mar 7 2010

“Of course blue dogs are more expensive. Pink dogs are shite.”

Mar 5 2010

“Good morning. I just wanted to be the first person to call you a twat. Enjoy your day.”

Mar 3 2010

“So you want to speak your mind. Be careful you don’t use the bit you need to breathe with. Run along, run along.”

Feb 5 2010

“Too many legs! Far too many legs. Can’t play football. Trip myself up.”

Feb 3 2010

“Fuck me, fuck you. Simple choice, really.”

“Everybody wriggle. Everybody wriggle. It’s maggot mayhem.”

“My ass and my personality are the same thing. Huge and in your face.”

Feb 2 2010

“Pants off! Air the jewels, air the jewels.”

“Stupid fucking cunty bollocks….. expialidocious.”

Feb 1 2010

“I made this picture using pasta… Fuck you, it IS artistic!”

Jan 31 2010

“Life is precious. I’m not going to just sit here listening to your pathetic fucking dribble.”

Jan 30 2010

“I’d like to introduce you to Mr. and Mrs. Spoon… Fuck you, tossbag. I never liked them. And never will.”

“You never see baby pigeons.”

“Ego-wanking is a great release.”

Jan 29 2010

“No puppy! Bad puppy! Make you into puppy slippers.”

“You know, its a human race. And you lost.”

“You’re more attractive than a seeping anal gash. But only just.”

Jan 27 2010

“They’re not smile lines, they’re stretch marks. Cock sucker.”

“My donkey. That’s MY donkey. Get off my donkey! You know, you’re not some superstar donkey jockey. Piss off.”

Dec 21 2009

“I’d like to tell you what a wonderful person you are. But that would make me a septic gash of a cunt who quite frankly had no concept of right or wrong.”

“Ooh! My balls are itchy. Have you got the cheese grater?”

“Awesome. Teddy bears bungie jumping.”

There’s more, and check out the audio recordings Sleep Talkin’ Man.

~ by revolutionwithin on February 5, 2010.

One Response to “Sleep Talkin’ Man”

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